I'm sitting in my dining room watching Chaya eat lunch... on the menu today is a turkey and cheese sandwich, banana slices, and cheese crackers..oh and an apple juice to drink. I love lunch time with my daughter, its her favorite part of the day because she gets to eat food, and it's my favorite because I get to just sit and talk to my little girl. I know she can't really talk much yet, she only knows a few words, but I don't need to hear words to understand her, I knew her before she was born and because of that I just have a very deep understanding of her needs, wants, complaints etc. It's amazing how you go from being completely terrified that you are going to be a parent, to being a first time parent and wondering what you got yourself into..(those first few weeks are HARD!) to just simply being a mom and knowing exactly what you need to do. When I first had Chaya I was always second guessing myself and feeling like other people knew better than me what she needed, until one day I realized that I am her MOTHER and I know her better than anyone else. Nick and I were talking last night about how at our old church people treated me like I was stupid, they would come over to me and basically take Chaya out of my arms and walk off with her, there were a few occasions in the church nursery where I would go to get Chaya and someone in the church had already taken her..so I'd have to go looking for her.. needless to say I stopped taking her there...I just felt like a horrible mother... but I don't know, one day it just hit me that she is my daughter and I make the rules. Now..NOBODY takes my baby from me, nobody touches her without asking me first. I have found that only at my old church did people not ask to hold her, now people ask ALWAYS..I think it just has to do with respect..you don't hold someones child without asking..it just doesn't happen, and if you think that you have that right then you have another thing coming.

I guess I'm just really starting to feel like a mom...I know Chaya is one now, but its taken time for me to get in the groove of things and really become the mom that my daughter needs, I no longer second guess myself, I know what each sound means, I know what each cry means, I know when she's hungry, I know when she's tired... its just great to know her so well.. I'm so blessed to get to be her mom, she is my joy. She makes me so proud every time I look at her, each day she learns something new and does something to amaze me. I just love her so much! She is such a blessing, she's our little gift :)